Sometimes, moving away from a relationship begins with a decision we've made up in our minds. After I see a couple together for a first session in therapy, and they report increased conflict and trouble communicating—nothing that's a deal breaker in a relationship if the pair are committed to working on it—I'll then see them apart for the subsequent two consecutive appointments, when very often one declares, "I'm not sure I'm in love with him/her anymore."

"You have to work on your relationship!" Maybe it was written on one of those little advice cards at your wedding, or perhaps it was part of a cautionary tale from a friend whose relationship was crumbling, but I would be willing to bet that you've heard this phrase and most likely more than once. But what does it even mean? And why does it sound so dreadful?

Let's peek at two couples in their respective homes one evening. In the first scenario, one person says to the other, "Do you want to order takeout?" And with a roll of the eyes, the partner responds, "Well, you just love to keep spending money, don't you?" In the second couple, the partner responds to the same question: "Honey, I would love to, but are you sure we have the money to order again?" This couple continues to enjoy the evening while the first one either shuts down or spirals into escalating conflict.

Pretty soon, it will be time to get back out there. Many people are already dipping their toes in the water. Like a child peeping out from her hiding place during a hide-and-seek game, we are hesitantly emerging, unsure if it’s safe. We return to the outside world battered and grief-stricken, each with bruises from the past year.

I don't want to say it's inevitable, but okay, I'll say it. In the first few years of your child's life, it's possible, at one time or another, you will find yourself feeling alone in this huge role called motherhood. Perhaps it is one day when your baby has been non-stop cranky, and your husband/wife/partner has been particularly—how can I phrase this gently—disappointing in their co-parenting role.